She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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