I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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