Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
