oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
