I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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