took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize