I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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