the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
