i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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