I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
