I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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