I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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