oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
