smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
