In America we eat man semen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
