sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
