Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
