Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Rumble strips road head = magical
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
