When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
