White coat. Heels.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
