Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
