Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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