Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
