My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
