No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
