She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
