Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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