please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
