I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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