Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
