Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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