im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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