just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
