OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
