Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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