I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
