Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
