I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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