Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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