KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
