had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
