You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found your dick twin last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
