yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
