Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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