i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
