Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
