the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you never un-have a 4some
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