tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
