I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
