During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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