Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
