It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
