she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
