Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
