high people should be assigned attendants
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
