I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
