honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
