hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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