you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
