She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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