i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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