I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
