I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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