My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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