So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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