True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
