Got a toothbrush?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
