Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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