So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
