I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
