he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
