I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
