I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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