Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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