as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
