bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
