Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
