worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
